RTP – Right to Pegasus

“Sir, I need urgent help of Pegasus on my father and his lawyer. The inheritance is mine. That mad Bawa father of mine cannot rob me out of it. I must use all the help at my disposal to secure it.”

Ever since the kids in our The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B introduced me to Pegasus, my life has been on a roller coaster. The word has spread like wildfire. My immediate neighbor, Mr Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala has been beside himself. He came to me the other day seeking my help on a petition he had drafted. It went as follows:

Dear Honorable Prime Minister,

I, Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala, commend the nuanced use of Pegasus in the country to monitor the activities of different categories of troublemakers, who’s mission in life has been to make life difficult for reasonable people like you and me. I also appreciate the fact that it came out of a very thoughtful beachside activity between two great leaders in the great state of Israel. It shows far sightedness. You probably know my problems already. But I will still share them here:

1. My father, Behramji Navrozeji Puranafurniturewala, is constantly changing his will. His foolish lawyer friend, Mr Rustom “Raryo” Master, is always dancing to his tune. It is upsetting me and my plans to modernize the business. The other day, I presented my plan for Puranafurniturewala and Sons to launch an online business called Bunkerbed.com. He called me and said “Dikra, have you gone cuckoo? Are we going to war? Who needs bunker beds? Have you learnt nothing?”. The next thing I know, that chadiya, Raryo Master has changed the will and knocked me out. Is this fair? Has anybody threatened you like this ever? Even when you did that de-money thing? Or when a few bodies were seen in the river Ganga? No never. A million times, never. Sir, I need urgent help of Pegasus on my father and his lawyer. The inheritance is mine. That mad Bawa father of mine cannot rob me out of it. I must use all the help at my disposal to secure it.
2. Mr Happymon Esthapan Chacko is the General Secretary of The Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B. He has been the General Secretary forever. He says that he has the divine right because his name sounds like the name of our Society. My foot! This is a dynasty or what? Can Nehru family rule our country forever? A million times no! Every election, he wins by making some trouble for all the residents or by giving renovation contracts to his friends in the society. Last time, Mr Braganza, whose wife is constantly borrowing milk, tea, sugar and assorted items from her neighbors, got the contract. Without a tender. It was the Bofors of our society. We even did a dharna like that one done by the old Anna fellow. I must defeat Mr H. E. Chacko this time. Sir, I will need the urgent help of Pegasus to know every move of Mr H.E. Chacko. The democracy of the Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B is at stake. Please help me with due urgency.
3. Pooja Butt and Fasel Atke Khan are living as PGs in Flat 12 and Flat 14 of Block A. They are both routinely taking my favorite parking space because of the First Come First Serve Policy of that idiot, Happymon Esthapan Chacko. Why should I, living there for 40 years, bow down to two juveniles, who just happen to come back from work a few minutes earlier than me? Am I part of some Margdarshak Mandal? No, a million times, no. I also see them going to each other’s flats often. Actually, Sarla Bhen, from Flat 13, told me. She is like Mrs Braganza. Always borrowing things that are becoming expensive. Anyway, some Love Jihad must be going on between Pooja Butt and Fasel Atke Khan. It must be nipped in the bud. I request the help of Pegasus to monitor the nefarious activities of this couple. If I expose this scandalous affair, I will become a hero and will easily win the next election for General Secretary of the Happyman’s Cooperative Housing Society Blocks A and B. Requesting your help in this matter on top priority

I am sure that you see me as a citizen of character and moral uprightness. I would urge you to consider making Pegasus freely available for few select citizens like me. After a rigorous screening, of course. Maybe even a National Eligibility Test, followed by Group Discussion and Personal Interview. We must rally together to ensure that the social evils plaguing our great nation are kept at bay

In utmost esteem and everlasting loyalty

Your most humble servant,

Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala

Cc: The Honorable Minister of Domestic & Peacetime Surveillance for Total National Security

I have been given 5 hours to revert on this draft. Mr Cyrus Behramji Puranafurniturewala does not know that I work in the office of a company owned by Mr Happymon Esthapan Chacko!

Chandru Chawla is a freelance writer and satirist who writes at night to keep his insanity intact.